


the benefits of heartbreak

by yijeong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Break Up, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:40:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19456555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yijeong/pseuds/yijeong
Summary: a razor, a bottle of pills, a picture of donghyuck.





	the benefits of heartbreak

the traffic lights blink in muted silence, the only sound audible to his ears being the heavy patter of rain against the windshield, obscuring the city around him. 

autumn was a lonely time, the air turning colder as the things once beautiful slowly began to change colors and decay, falling apart into a million pieces in preparation of the harsher conditions to come.

renjun wishes he could scatter apart as easily as the leaves that roll out into the street and under the tires of cars, he as the same fragility as them though, so maybe he has. his heart feels splintered enough for it.

he pulls into an abandoned parking lot, killing the engine and effectively drowning him in silence once more. the rain has cleared, a light sprinkle dusting across the concrete, barely enough to cut through the thick fog that lingered.

the steering wheel feels foreign under his fingertips and he squeezes it hard. and harder. and harder, until the tips of his fingers feel like static and his hands slide off into his lap.

a reflection in the rear-view mirror taunts him, a ghost of a boy with ugly purple bruises under each dull eyes. 

it is him, but at the same time it’s not. renjun doesn’t recognize the ragged boy staring back at him, and the longer he stares the more he gets the urge to smash the glass into shards and slit his wrists with them.

he doesn’t really exist anymore, he isn’t real, none of this is. 

but the thin threads of white and light red that decorate his forearms and hip bones, his bloody scraped up knees, the persistent ache deep inside his chest, the very things that serve as a reminder to the boy that he is still very much existent.

it doesn’t change the fact that he, huang renjun, is infinitesimal. 

rolling his shoulders back, he reaches into the middle console and pulls out a brown paper bag, decorated with cutesy stickers and words of encouragement written all over them.

a reminder of his past with lee donghyuck, a boy that puts the sun to shame, an opinionated boy who speaks out against the world, the same boy who broke his heart.

he feels the pressure in his chest, recognizes the way it gets hard to breathe, and he pushes back the tears as he reaches into the bag, spreading the contents out onto his lap.

a razor, a bottle of pills, a picture of donghyuck.


End file.
